Courtesy of Gordana Netkovski,http://www.macedonia.co.uk/
RE: Some Thoughts
ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS
A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.
ON PROBLEM SOLVING
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to
resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow
He who dies with the most toys, is still dead.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING
I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the
top. --English Professor, Ohio University
ON POETIC LOVE
When you're swimmin' in the creek
And an eel bites your cheek
That's a moray!
-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub
with brightly colored machine tools.
Q: How many minimalists does it take to change a light bulb?
ON MATERIAL SCIENCE
The number of very weird people in the office.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown
with great force. -- Dorothy Parker
To err is human,
to moo bovine.
The meek shall inherit the earth
---they are too weak to refuse.
2 is not equal to 3 --- not even for very large values of 2.
"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?"
"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the
Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?" --Robin Williams
"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new
boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say
because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother
is attractive, but I have photographs of her." --Ellen DeGeneres
"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.
'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied
in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll
have to kill you too.'"
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." --Garry Shandling
"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least
they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown
"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget."
"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.
I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is
that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"