Gordana' Collection

Courtesy of Gordana Netkovski, http://www.macedonia.co.uk/


RE: Some Thoughts

 

ON MATHEMATICAL TRANSFORMS

A polar bear is a rectangular bear after a coordinate transform.

ON PROBLEM SOLVING

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to

resemble a nail. -- Abraham Maslow

ON MATERIALISM

He who dies with the most toys, is still dead.

ON ECONOMICS

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING

I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because

someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the

top. --English Professor, Ohio University

ON POETIC LOVE

When you're swimmin' in the creek

And an eel bites your cheek

That's a moray!

-- Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

ON MODERNISM

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub

with brightly colored machine tools.

Q: How many minimalists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One

ON MATERIAL SCIENCE

Character density:

The number of very weird people in the office.

ON EXTINCTION

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

ON LITERATURE

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown

with great force. -- Dorothy Parker

ON HUMILITY

To err is human,

to moo bovine.

ON PROPHECY

The meek shall inherit the earth

---they are too weak to refuse.

ON NUMBERS

Grabel's Law:

2 is not equal to 3 --- not even for very large values of 2.

 

THOUGHTFUL THOUGHTS.....

 

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on me?"

--Marilyn Pittman

 

"When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the

Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?" --Robin Williams

 

"A woman broke up with me and sent me pictures of her and her new

boyfriend in bed together. Solution? I sent them to her dad."

--Christopher Case

 

"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say

because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother

is attractive, but I have photographs of her." --Ellen DeGeneres

 

"A lady came up to me on the street and pointed at my suede jacket.

'You know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' she sneered. I replied

in a psychotic tone, 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll

have to kill you too.'"

--Jake Johansen

 

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."

--Dick Cavett

 

"I have such poor vision I can date anybody." --Garry Shandling

 

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least

they can find Kuwait." --A. Whitney Brown

 

"I'm a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I'll forget."

--Michael McShane

 

"Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not commit adultery. Don't eat pork.

I'm sorry, what was that last one?? Don't eat pork. God has spoken. Is

that the word of God or is that pigs trying to outsmart everybody?"

--Jon Stewart