Date: Thu, 26 Feb 1998 23:15:11 -0300

From: Andrea <afede@GEOCITIES.COM>

Subject: FRIDAY HUMOR:

Gender English Translation

 

Women's English:

 

Yes = No

 

No = Yes

 

Maybe = No

 

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

 

We need = I want

 

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

 

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

 

We need to talk = I need to complain.

 

Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.

 

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

 

You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

 

You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

 

Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

 

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

 

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

 

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

 

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

 

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

 

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not

going to like.

 

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game

on TV.

 

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

 

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

 

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

 

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until

he falls asleep.

 

I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is

Important.

 

The same old thing = Nothing

 

Nothing = Everything

 

Everything = My PMS is acting up.

 

Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole.

 

 

Men's English:

 

 

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.

 

"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.

 

"I'm tired" = I'm tired.

 

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with

you.

 

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with

you.

 

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

 

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

 

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

 

"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.

 

"What's wrong?" = I don't see why your making such a big deal about

this.

 

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma

are you going through now?

 

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

 

"I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?

 

"I love you." = Let's have sex now.

 

"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!

 

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.

 

"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look

that much different!

 

"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a

deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

 

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex

with other guys.

 

(while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress

and let's go home!

 

"I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together." = I am

gay.