Computer stories

> This is a true story from the WordPerfect help line. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause".

> Actual dialog of a former Word perfect Customer Support employee:

> "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

> "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

> "What sort of trouble?"

> "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

> "Went away?"

> "They disappeared."

> "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

> "Nothing."

> "Nothing?"

> "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

> "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

> "How do I tell?"

> "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

> "What's a sea-prompt?"

> "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

> "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

> "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

> "What's a monitor?"

> "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

> "I don't know."

> "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

> "Yes, I think so."

> "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

> ".......Yes, it is."

> "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

> "No."

> "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

> ".......Okay, here it is."

> "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

> "I can't reach."

> "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

> "No."

> "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

> "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

> "Dark?"

> "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

> "Well, turn on the office light then."

> "I can't."

> "No? Why not?"

> "Because there's a power outage."

> "A power... A power outage? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

> "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

> "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

> "Really? Is it that bad?"

> "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

> "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

>"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


Thank you for your 'computer story'. It was great fun to read, but mind you, it was nothing new to me because I used to know loads of such stories and little incidents which my brother reported to me every day when working for ICL. This was last year - he had rounds to people's houses and he would always come home with some jewels. Like, when asked to press any key, this old dear asks "Which one is any key?"; or, another old lady, who complained that her brand new computer is not working - when my brother went round to her place he found it still packed in a box; and, finally, this is a REAL jewel: this desk engineer is trying to tell a guy on the phone where his CD tray is, so that he can insert his CD. At last, when the man realised what the engineer was talking about, he exclaimed: Oh, you mean the coffee tray!! That's where I hold my coffee cup! These are the most memorable ones that brought tears to my eyes, but believe me, there's a lot more where that came from.