Science Bloopers

The following excerpt from an article appeared in the latest issue of Popular Science, p. 78, extracted from

"SPACE, the physical world, the human body, chemistry, plant life, medicine -- these are just a few of the subjects under the broad umbrella of science.

This month, we focus not on scientific facts themselves, but on students' sometimes hilarious misunderstandings or misinterpretations of those facts."


"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

"For head cold: Use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat."

"When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes, and caterpillars."

"H20 is hot water, and C02 is cold water."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"The body consists of three parts -- the brainium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contais the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowls, of which there are five -- a, e, i, o, and u."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of Indiana."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose lower than the body until the heart stops."

"To prevent contraception, wear a condominium."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is so that there is something to hitch the meat to."

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader."

"Equator: a menagerie lion running around Earth through Africa."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if it's a lady, rub her arm above the hand. Or put her head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

Note: if you didn't understand any of the above, smile anyway!